Welcome to the Underworld

Two

My light is gone.

Weeks, months, perhaps even years pass by. I have not seen her since that last time. I’m not sure if it was something I did. Perhaps she finally got fed up with me? I shake my head, banishing the thought from my mind. She would have told me something.

I try calling her. Texting, even email doesn’t work. She stopped answering. I know why, but I don’t want to believe it. I still called her, in hopes that somehow she would answer. She doesn’t. Just as she hasn’t for a while now.

I remember getting a call from her husband. I was never really all that fond of him, but I let him speak. That night didn’t end well. I had screamed at him, only barely hearing him apologize in a broken voice. He had apologized for not calling sooner. I ignored him. I remember spending my time somewhere else that night. With her. She looked so different now. Not… healthy. One could only wonder why. She didn’t speak; I could imagine it was difficult to. Instead, I spoke for her. I acted like it was another one of our monthly meetings, using the same greetings I did every time.

“How are things?” I ask. She is quiet, though I could hear her soft voice in the back of my mind. ‘Oh, nothing spectacular.’ 

I imagined her asking me the same in return, and it seemed very hard to smile. However, I pulled it off. Just a simple grin and a shrug. It hurt.

I looked at the clock, and decided it would be best to get something to eat. I had brought her something too, but I think she wasn’t hungry. She still hadn’t said a word, but I wasn’t forcing her to. I heard the familiar voices of her family speaking to her husband outside the room. I sighed, seeing that I should probably go and speak with them. 

I kissed her forehead, wishing her well. I felt, somehow, she would need it for her next journey.

Her husband was the first to greet me, continuously apologizing to me and some higher being he believed in. He wanted forgiveness, and he was not going to get it from me. It was his fault. One of the clearest things I remember that night was punching him in his infuriating face. She surely would have yelled and scolded me, and I surely would have only laughed. 

It became part of my daily routine after that night. Calling her, I mean. Not punching him, though I wouldn’t have opposed the notion. I keep calling and texting her, hoping she will pick up. She still doesn’t. 

It hurts me, but I’m numb to It’s torture now. I blame myself constantly, It only agrees. I hear It’s quiet murmurs in the back of my mind as I walk to work. It says I was responsible. I’m the reason my light had left me. I disagree with It, arguing that it was his fault. He was the start of this. It quickly changes It’s tactics and agrees with me. We both know I’m right. 

It is when I’m unpacking my bag that I hear It again. It was whispering sweet words into my ear in that enthralling, poetic way that it does. I almost smile. I shake my head, saying that revenge would accomplish nothing, and would only make me feel worse. It chuckles, sending shivers down my spine. 

“On the contrary, my dear.” it murmurs in my ear again, causing my breaths to become shaky. “It will make you feel wonderful, happy even. Isn’t that what you want…?” It’s voice trails off at the end. 

It made me wonder, was that what I wanted? 

I shake my head again, disagreeing more firmly this time. It sighs and clicks It’s tongue in disappointment. I’m a disappointment to It. 

It continues speaking with me throughout the day, paying the others no attention. They look at me worriedly, which I pointedly ignore. They are of no concern to me.

I walk home; It’s voice was obnoxiously loud now. It went from screaming in my ear, to standing meters away and whispering something I couldn’t even hope to hear. I yell at it, causing the people around me to look at me strangely. I glare at them. When I look back, It is laughing. 

I see my reflection in a car window this time. It was only in my peripheral vision, however I could see it perfectly. 

Disheveled appearance, red face. 

I look around me. They all stare.

I am not like them.